One week out

It's been a week since there's been a big blow out and I've been trying to keep as busy as possible with music and friends and silly apps and whatever else I can to avoid regressing to the usual ways I seek comfort. Surprisingly I've even stopped drinking as much. The other night though was pretty bad, it hit me when I came off a full day of work followed by a meeting/ party and I started thinking about things. Being alone with my thoughts has been tough.

One of the things I've taken away from my therapist is working on making a conceited effort to disarm emotions when they happen. Too often I've just reacted knee jerk style and close to thoughtless without taking the time to process is happening and the implications of said behaviour. I act out and this has gotten me into trouble again and again. I've been working at whenever a thought enters my mind just standing back from it for a moment, accepting it as a thought, labeling it as just that, a thought and pushing it aside. Sounds silly and trivial, but it's been making a difference lately in how I react in many situations from work to personal life.

For now I'm just trying to keep busy with music as much as possible. I've written close to 30 noodles of ideas of which I've been tackling fully forming several. It feels good to be productive again and I think it just took a shock to my system to get me there.

For that, I'm grateful. It's just sad how things turned out.