Continued

Been sitting here staring aimlessly for 2 hours. Someone on Fb sent me a direct link to something you posted with my name in it.

I feel so sorry and sad, so heavy with the reality of how much damage I have done, how much I have caused you to hate me and just how terribly you view me. The truth is I am those things, or have been. Maybe I will never change despite my desire to.

So much has changed in 2 weeks. So much pent up anger has flowed out of you. So much fear of what I could be truly capable of. Predator. Lurer. Such strong words. So much apprehension and fear.

The writing may have been on the wall, but with all my flaws and leanings toward betrayal, here I still sit, alone and in waiting. I have not moved the toothbrush. I have not moved your hairpins from my bedside. I will not flinch for a moment from the idea that once we were, and could be again if only in mutual acceptance of what was. Amicable and calm. Happier apart but acknowledging that for all the destructive bad there were many good and whole and sunny memories. They come to me in dreams and I wish they didn't cuz it's crushing when I awake. I take the munchkin with me every night into bed as comfort and a warm body.


You were my best friend, the best I've ever had, and I will honor this fact.

I'm still here.

~