And then there was Tuesday. Thought today would be productive, was for maybe 4 hours and then it all gets churned up again. I want to stop thinking about her, I want her to stop hating me, more and more.
I wrote back all self righteous and now regret it. I never thought she'd find this blog, but part of me hoped she would. Now I feel so vulnerable writing into the abyss. Should i just start a whole new one, be as private and candid as I can be? Will she find that one too? I can keep running or I can let go and try to forget everything. For just moments I imagine us channeling all this energy, all this effort for good. There's got to be something good there if there is this much emotional upheaval. When does the healing actually begin.
I'm so numb. Want to turn back the clock, dunno how far. Just wanna sleep. Start some music up tomorrow when the sun is out.
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