Today was hard. Had some vivid reconciliation dream wake me up cold. Two days on from sending an email I regretted I got a response that left me with a lump in my throat. Funny how even the briefest contact leaves me overcome with adrenalin, dizzy and unable to even think straight.
I got my sense of finality today, I reached out against my better judgement prematurely and was told to stop. And so I will. I've respected personal space, refrained from texting or creeping social networking but caved and sent just one email. Bad move. It's just surreal, someone is always there and then they are gone. It's totally my fault, and I know this but still had hoped things would be different.
Tomorrow begins me five day tour, making music in a room with myself and my thoughts and who knows, perhaps I'll accomplish something productive. The thought of having more and more time to myself going forward is both exciting and scarey. It changes from hour to hour.
Still, deep down I know this me time has to happen, if only to come to terms with things and reconnect with my craft. We'll see what tomorrow brings...
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